Capes, masks, super-human powers, cool names, and sidekicks.
I’ve always thought of superheroes as those guys in comic books and movies. It was cool to catch a flick and cheer them on. Like, whoa, that guy can save the world in 90 minutes? Pretty impressive.
And then I grew a human inside of me.
For nine (plus) months.
Then gave birth to this human.
And am sustaining this human’s life.
That? THAT is a freaking superhero.
I tip my cap to all the momma bears out there. Here’s how I brought my human into the world…
*Takes deep breath*
I was 2 weeks past my due date and was scheduled for an induction. I was induced via Pitocin and labored for 26 hours. I got an epidural because I had titanic contractions and they were unbearable. No food or water. Just ice chips. I got a fever/infection. My husband, mom, and sister took turns sitting by my side praying, singing, and reading God’s Word over me.
I dilated to 9cm (you push at 10) when they saw that my son’s heart rate was in distress. The surgeon came in and explained to me that I needed an emergency c-section and asked me who would make decisions for me if I remained unconscious. I signed a release form and as soon as I knew it I was being rushed to the operating room with an oxygen mask on.
My mom and sister scrambled to put our belongings away and kissed me goodbye. My husband followed me out and was put into scrubs where he could remain by my side while I was on the operating table.
I was prepped for surgery, MAJOR surgery where an incision is made through the abdomen and uterus to deliver the baby. One of the side effects of the medication used to numb me made me have the shakes. I was freezing and shaking. A lot. My body was exhausted by every definition of the word. I was DONE.
But I felt peace.
Peace. I knew that the Lord was in control and I trusted Him. My team of nurses and doctors had done the best they could and the rest was in the Lord’s hands. Moments later, I heard the most beautiful sound that I had ever heard on the planet, my son’s cry. All those months of feeling him move inside of me, talking to him, rubbing my belly, singing and praying for him, and now he was out here with me. I turned my head immediately towards Tim and with wide eyes said “That’s our son.”
My birth plan was nowhere near what my birth had been, but it IS my story and I accept it. No what-ifs or regrets. There’s no point in wondering why or if things would’ve gone differently. This birth brought me my everything. My son, Jackson Kole.
The experience of birthing a child is to imagine your heart dropped as an anchor into the wildest of seas. It is is deep, it is heavy, and it anchors you into an abyss of becoming more of and a better version of, yourself.
So here’s to myself. A mom. Just like the many MANY others out there who have a brave story of bringing their humans into the world.